Nurture Shock

I have started reading a new book entitled "Nurture Shock." The premise of the book is that a lot of conventional wisdom about child rearing is really not helping our children. For example, the idea of constant praise...

In the chapter titled "The Inverse Power of Praise," the authors share study after study that showed that children who are praised for their intelligence often end up not putting in effort for things that are difficult for them. They seem to feel that if it doesn't come easily, it must not be "their thing." Additionally, they want to preserve their title of "smart" and won't risk public failure. The authors (and the many scientists they cited) suggest praising the child for very specific items, and for their effort, rather than just giving the title "smart."

From the book:

"Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable they can control...They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."

...and...

"When they get to college, heavily-praised students commonly drop out of classes rather than suffer a mediocre grade, and they have a hard time picking a major - they're afraid to commit to something because they're afraid of not succeeding."

Holy Cow. Can I just tell you, that last sentence is totally me? I dropped out of physics for fear of ruining my GPA, and I floated from major to major. Fear of success is very palpable for me. Interesting.

I've noticed this even with Malcolm. We tell him he's smart ALL of the time. But then I began to notice that he would give up easily or get frustrated when trying something he didn't innately understand. He would sigh in frustration and sometimes even cry. Over time, I tried explaining to him the importance of trying and would encourage him to move forward, praising him for his effort. I didn't realize that the *real* impact of praising his effort will really come from the times he is very successful at what he has accomplished, and we choose to praise him for the hard work he did to make that happen.

I believe I will be changing the way I interact with my child! I'm only on chapter 2 of this book, but so far I highly recommend it.