As we head toward Mother's Day, I've heard many women talking about what they would like to do/receive as a gift. A large number of women "fantasize" about some time away without the kids, some immediately apologizing for wanting to "abandon Motherhood" on the day celebrating Motherhood. Most seem to feel they have no hope - or right - to such a day.
I'm not one of them. Well, sorta. I'm very lucky to have a husband who practically shoved me out the door to get away for a few days. I had all sorts of objections for him: I have a meeting! Reschedule it. It costs money to do this! We'll make it work, no big deal. You teach this weekend! You need child-free distraction to study and prepare! I'll make it work. YOU NEED THIS. I'm so fortunate to have someone who could overcome my objections and send me on my way.
As I write this, I'm in a hotel approximately an hour from home, sipping some tea and listening to Gershwin. Soon, I will be heading out to do a little shopping, then I'll make myself comfy at a coffee shop and hopefully make some progress on my book. Tomorrow's plan includes a massage! When I arrived, I received a surprise upgrade from a regular room to a suite, and there were flowers - Gerbers, my favorite - waiting for me in my room, a gift from my wonderful, amazing, thoughtful husband. What a glorious time!
As I was sitting here this morning, enjoying my nice, neat, clean and organized hotel room (yes, I realize I have issues - but one of the things I love about traveling by myself is that everything is neat and organized and exactly where I want it), I realized how lucky I am. I remember a time when I wouldn't have felt like I deserved this time away. (Still, when a few people told me yesterday "Enjoy! You deserve it!" I cringed a little - clearly I still have a little way to go.) I know some mothers who practically make a sport out of self-sacrifice, and quite honestly, some of their husbands do nothing to help the issue. Some even hint at time away, and the response is incredulous.
But here's the thing: I believe most of us NEED some time away. I love my son, don't get me wrong - but he is, by very essence of being a child, a large bundle of expectations. After having expectations built up on me from various aspects of my life, it is sometimes exhausting to not have somewhere to escape, because "home" becomes just another pile of expectations - laundry, dishes, errands, homework... It just all becomes too much, and I get to a point where I'm no good to anybody anymore, because I'm so burned out I have nothing left to give.
So there's the answer for those self-sacrificing moms out there...can't take some time away? Well, I would argue that you need to, if you're going to continue to be a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. It's for the greater good! I don't know about you, but when I get to this point, I am no longer able to be a good support for my friends who are going through marital issues, grief, job stress, emotional distress...you name it. And I'm a grumpy, tired mom who doesn't want to play any games and has little patience for goofing around.
So...think you can't/shouldn't/couldn't get away? It ain't necessarily so. Think about the positive you will be doing for yourself and your family.
(Note: I realize that for some, money is an issue that can't be ignored. A few suggestions to get around that: hotwire.com (cheap hotels for the lean budget - a lot of them will offer a refrigerator for the room for minimal charge, allowing you to pack food to avoid eating out), local hermitages that offer free or cheap nights (you'll have to do some research to find them in your area), swapping time with a friend/family member that has an open room/house, OR...send your hubby and/or kids to visit relatives and keep the house to yourself!)
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