Great Expectations for Little People

So...a few weeks ago we took a trip to PA to visit my family. Just me and the kiddo.

When we arrived home, I gave the obligatory recap to Don, ending with heaps of praise for our son, whose behavior on the trip was impeccable. Seriously, impeccable! He barely complained, was well behaved in restaurants, and didn't run around like a crazy kid (too much). Even for Malcolm, this behavior was stellar. And I say "even for Malcolm" because he really IS a well-behaved kid. Seriously. This is not "mommy bias" speaking - I've received compliments from strangers, teachers and other parents about his behavior. After this trip, I was positively glowing with Mommy Pride.

Unfortunately, that glow started to fade over the past few weeks. I jumped right back into work, a mistake I now realize - "visiting family" does not equal "vacation." No offense to my family, but...it's just not the same as kicking back somewhere either by yourself or with just your spouse and child, and forgetting the rest of the world exists. Also, true to form, I still worked while "on vacation." This all adds up to mommy being a bit overstressed and cranky, which I'm sure rubs off on the kiddo.

So, for some reason, everything my child has been doing lately has been jumping all over my nerves. The goofy voices, the over-dramatic reactions to things, the jumping up and down. He constantly forgets to do the stuff I tell him to do, then he gets mad at me when I remind him, sighing with a big "I KNOW!" He DOES seem more hyperactive than usual lately - but that could be a clouded perception b/c of my stress level. Who knows. But either way, I was reflecting this morning, and I had to remind myself:

He's 6 years old.

I think that sometimes we place great expectations on such little people. In particular, using the phrase (after an ill-conceived idea gone wrong) "What were you thinking?" Well...they certainly weren't thinking that was a bad idea, or they wouldn't have done it.

In that book I read a while back - Nurture Shock - was a whole chapter on the science of teen rebellion. In this chapter, the authors go into some science that shows that, indeed, teenagers DON'T really think through the consequences of things. In fact, their brains seem incapable of it. So...how much more so a 6 year old? We somehow expect our children to magically know that different things are bad ideas, when they truly don't have the life experience to know that. Yet, we expect absolute silence and stillness in church, suppressed curiosity (hmmm...maybe I shouldn't find out how these markers look on the wall), and perfect behavior.

I think sometimes we forget that correcting and shaping their behavior is our JOB - so should we really complain that our to-do list gets refreshed on a daily basis? I know that I forget this sometimes. I want my job to be easy - after all, I already have a full time job, obligations as a pastor's wife, housekeeping responsibilities and other relationships to tend to. It'd be nice if I could cruise through motherhood with no issues.

But, alas, I need to relax my expectations a bit for my little person, and remember that teaching him how to interact with the world is what I signed up for. And the last thing I want to instill in him is the idea that he needs to perform to a set of expectations he doesn't know or understand.